The secrets and whispers that inhabit my mind have long since been strangers to me. The slightest desires that I possess, to shout out the words that I conceal so easily, are forever thrust aside. I am overwhelmed by the thoughts that have been chipping away at my mentality for what seems to be approximating to my entire existence.
My mind has become a pool of emotion that few have dared to swim in. I wade through it with apprehension and a careful step as I fear the things that I may come across. I am dreadfully aware of the whirlpools of thoughts that could so easily imprison my very being.
The whispers that scream loneliness to me are ever present; ever near; but solitude does nothing to scare, shake or even fracture the weathered wall that has been built up to protect my heart on every side. I fear the words of others that can cause so much anguish and as faint whispers of insecurity leak through the wall, so I try stacking more stones upon it; my added guard for all the emotions that shout out to me to release themselves from where they are hidden inside of me.
Flowing through my veins, the whispers of failures past have long been ingrained onto my heart. Every hurt that I have ever known has been placed somewhere in my soul. Ignoring the protesting shouts, my failure and hurt is pushed aside and I concede to knowing that they are still there. I want to yell out to those who pass by me everyday but stubbornly I give the wicked whispers no space to become mistakes; for nothing can become of something that barely exists.
I am frightened by the expectations that I may not be able to fulfil. Scarred by disappointment I know not to shout out before I have the words to do so. I do not want to generate any false hope or live a self engrossed life, cast into the shadows where only whispers of reality can be heard.
I know not the luxuries of comfortable self expression. My bursting heart holds on by a thread as the shouts are muffled by my stubborn mind. I cannot give reason for something that I cannot explain or properly make sense of and I do not wish for my emotions to be hidden away where they do not belong. Even now as I speak of the perplexity that consumes my insides, I cannot portray everything that I wish to express.
They are the enemies that I cannot confront. They are the tears that I try so hard not to cry. They are the shields that are yet to be penetrated. The darkened shadows and the whispers of the feelings that I once knew reside within me. They have become untraceable to the naïve eyes of many. I speak now of the whispers that will forever conform to the boundaries of my heart. They are all the things that I cannot be.